pretty drunk

Yeah, this is something I do on a regular basis. I'm floundering. I had planned on blogging and drinking a caffeine free Dr Pepper b4 bed. I was gonna work on my coping skills. I was gonna stay straight. It's not that easy. Damn.

Sobriety isn't easy. No matter how many promises you make to yourself, you always break them. It just makes everything in your life that much real. You work your ass off and for what? Only to be taken advantage of. I hate the world. Where is the karma? I've treated people w/ respect only to be disrespected. I just don't understand. Is there absolutely no equality?

Fred and I were doing good. I say one thing about just wanting to go to sleep and suddenly, sex is obsolete. Wtf?! I was exhausted this one night and suddenly, it's a precedent for every night. He wants to throw it in my face every chance he gets. I know this is a TMI but fuck it. It's a blog, right? I'm supposed to share my feelings. I don't know what to do. I just don't understand how he operates most of the time. He's not like other males. I was able to manipulate most of the men I knew before him. It's sad but true. I just can't figure him out. I would like to get to the root of this. Ugh, I'm sorry but I am sexually frustrated and a vibrator won't see me through.

If you don't like my honesty, don't fucking read my blog. I am human. I do have needs. I came close to cheating once. Fred found out before it happened. It wasn't his fault. It was mine. I felt so insignificant and my self-esteem was nonexistent. I have moved on and have come to love myself just as I am. It certainly wasn't easy but I found a way.

I would go on but I've got to go to sleep. Nite bloggers!